Slipping. on Monday, March 19, 2012

I don't know, I feel like everything is slipping from my hands.

It's like I'm trying to catch water, but everything just goes right through.

I didn't expect it to become out of hand like this.
I expected people to keep it a secret.
Now everyone knows, and I'm just back here trying to cover it up.

I keep telling my ~~friends~~, "Yeah I'll tell everyone next year", or
"By the time I'm out of high school I'll come out".

When in all honesty, a part of me of was lying. It scares me so much.
Making friends was never easy for me, and ever since I found out, I had to deal with this bullshit.

Just because of who I am;

I might lose job opportunities, people judge me without getting to know me first, I might become an outcast, I might lose friends, I might lose my family, I might just lose everything in the end.

I didn't expect everyone to know, people I don't even know, they know now.

And I just can't keep up with this any more, I can't keep list of everyone who knows,

And the people who don't know. Half of the time I can't even be myself.

I just don't know what to do any more.