I don't want to feel it anymore, this cursed emotion.
Pain, sorrow, grief, they swallowed me up.
And I ask myself, truthfully,
"When have you put on a smile,
Without force going into it?"
A long time.
It's been a long time, that I haven't showed anyone,
How weak I was inside, how easily I could cry,
I'm fragile, the right people can simply look at me,
And I'll start cracking, my outer shell will break off,
Then they will see, what really is inside of me.
My laughs are fake, all of them.
So are my smiles, and people ask me;
"Do you want to talk?"
I do, but,
I say no.
Help me, what I want is help, what I want is;
Love, affection, warmth, support.
I don't want to live, like this.
With all this hate, it consumes me.
It makes me cold, I hate the sun now.
I hate light.
I want to close my eyes, my ears, my mouth.
But I cannot close my heart, to what it wants to feel.