We all know we want to just disappear sometimes, Not to be seen, not to be heard, we just want to breathe.
I haven't thrown up in a long time, yesterday was the first time in years, probably a decade. I don't know what happened, I was dizzy, tired, dehydrated, or maybe just the fact that I gave up. I thought going outside would be nice, get some fresh air, breathe a little, do something else rather than stare at my monitor screen.
At first it did, I laughed, I breathe, I lived.
Then it all came falling down, no one must see my frown,
No one must see my sadness, the lies, the pain, the sorrow.
The hate.
Little by little it got worse, it got to point where I just didn't know what to do, lying to myself wasn't an option, I had seen all of the grey areas of the spectrum. I didn't know what to do, my grave just got deeper and deeper, and no one was there to help me get out. I was surrounded by a stench, my stench.
Fear, jealousy, deny.
All of those lingering feelings, they choked me,
I couldn't breathe, my air, it vanished.
And I just sat there, telling myself, nothing good will come to you. Why, why would someone love you, there are no reasons to love someone like me. All those lies, those lies that are suppose to help you, support you, make you feel better, to convince yourself, that you're more than nothing.
I see right through them, the warmth,
Has turned into frost, as the thunder rolls.
And the lighting strikes, while the winds grow stronger,
With sadness and sorrow, I will stand here, and get pulled.
For I know that I have no more will, left in this.
Empty shell in what you call a body.
Goodbye.
